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When Snapchat introduced the objective perfection known as the dancing hot dog filter,sex machine demonstration video I was immediately smitten.

Right away, I knew Dancing Hot Dog was wholesome. It was smiling. It was wearing green headphones, probably purchased from Urban Outfitters in the year 2012. I loved Dancing Hot Dog, and I was audacious enough to assume Dancing Hot Dog loved me, too.

There was only one problem: I did not have Snapchat. In fact, I had deleted it for two reasons: 1. I prefer Instagram Stories and 2. I wanted to download that game where you are a doomed astronaut and jump into the sun and I needed the space.

With these priorities in mind, I resisted redownloading Snapchat for a while, instead watching YouTube videos and looking at tweets of other people enjoying the Dancing Hot Dog. But after a while (probably 48 hours), it wasn't enough -- I longed for a Dancing Hot Dog of my very own.

So, friends, I fucking did it. I reinstalled Snapchat and now the only thing I do on there is look at the hot dog filter (sound on, obviously, for the tunes). I do not send Snaps. I rarely view Snaps. My friends are dead to me and my streaks are broken.

I only watch the hot dog dance, and when I have had my fill, I log off.

Here are the things I deleted in order to redownload Snapchat and acquire the hot dog:

1. The Lemonade app I had to download to buy renter's insurance for some reason

2. Two episodes of my favorite murder podcast, My Favorite Murder

3. A video I took of myself sneezing to see what it would look like

4. Several pics of the same Pomeranian, each more zoomed in than the last

5. A beautiful series of panorama photos taken at the top of a mountain (moved to computer, but now I can't look at them when I'm bored on the train and listening to sweeping instrumental rock)

And now I have this animated hot dog instead. It was all worth it, baby! Follow your heart.