When the pandemic first hit,sex while on the phone with boyfriend video everything that was once an in-person experience was slammed into the two dimensional screens of Zoom. At first, it was exciting: You could have your own snacks, wear whatever you want, and go to bed immediately after chatting with friends. But, soon, the novelty and shine of it all faded away, and we were left missing the physical touch, chatter, and community that is inherent with hanging out in real life.
Most gatherings were simply made worse when they transition from real life to online. Online weddings were a total bummer. Dating over Zoom was weird. And birthday parties online could not be more awkward, attempting to have a casual conversation while each person had to be specially muted or have their mic turned on.
Then, vaccines became more readily available and in-person hang outs were no longer a thing of the past. We started meeting in person again, and it was beautiful. Nearly every gathering that made it through the pandemic shift was brought to life in a bigger and better way after more than a year of being siphoned onto the internet. Concerts are sold out, bars are full and it's rare to see someone deny an invite to a BBQ.
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Nearly every gathering, that is, except book clubs.
I read a lot, and I love the low pressure engagement of a virtual book club. I was bad at attending book clubs in real life before the pandemic, because my book club friends and I all have very busy schedules, so finding a time for us all to meet up was difficult. Scheduling online hangouts is easier because you can do them from anywhere — at your family's house, with your partner, or even from your own bed. Now that the meetups are returning to apartments and bars, scheduling is once again more difficult and, honestly, I don't want to participate in them anymore. Conversations always gets way too sidetracked and I don't like having to get dressed up and buy a cheese board to discuss a book I didn't like that much.
But it's not just the scheduling — there are four main reasons book clubs are ruined by an IRL meetup, and why I'll be staying home.
Snacks are better at home
I love to eat and drink with my friends but I also love to have money to pay for rent. Eating at home is simply cheaper and, if you do want to splurge, you can have the exact snacks you want (a cheese board with Takis on it) without having to be embarrassed or compromise with those who may have a more refined palate.
I'm trying to keep it comfy
Everyone knows it’s easier to read and enjoy a book when you’re snuggled up in sun loungewear or pajamas. Sure, you could theoretically wear this to a bar or restaurant but it’s a whole lot easier to do it in the comfort of your own home. There is something about discussing a book in pajamas that makes it more palatable than when you're wearing denim. Let me be comfortable while we chat about difficult topics!
Let's make it low-pressure
Something I came to love during the remote, stay-at-home era of 2020 is how low pressure a Zoom book club is. You can come and go as you please, you can mute your mic if you don't feel like contributing to the conversation, and you can take it all in without the pressure of adding in any additional comments. That isn't nearly as easy when you're meeting in person, going from reader to reader to ask how they felt about a passage.
Keep the discussion on track
Discussion about a book consistently gets derailed when you’re hanging out with friends in real life. This is amazing and very fun and can create a really great group hang but if you’re actually trying to meet up to talk about a novel that you loved or hated or I felt something in between about, it's very difficult to navigate that without being rude. Folks have side conversations that make it difficult to follow along with the main discussion and, sometimes, the side conversations are more fun! But if the purpose of a book club is to talk about a book, that is far easier to do over Zoom, where you can’t have side conversations and the conversation doesn’t get derailed as easily. I learned over Zoom that having one person in charge can make everything go smoother, but you do not necessarily need an agenda. It's simply helpful to have one person in charge of the mute button.
So for now, while I appreciate the idea of seeing my friends in real life, I’m going to dip from my book club and only stay in my remote hangs. My book club pals seem to fully understand — and maybe, one day, I’ll convince them to join me on Zoom.