Hi! As your Republican representative,脴拢脵鈥灻櫯犆櫰捗樎趁樎?脴陋脵茠脴鲁脴搂脴鲁 avn award for best group sex scene in a video part of my job is to inform you about what I'm doing in Washington to represent you: my constituent. One thing I'm currently supporting, for example, is Trump's tax plan: a proposal that has been called "disastrous" and is estimated to send 80 percent of the next decade's tax cuts to the top 1 percent.
Hey, why are we talking about this though!? My dog Queenie just had puppies and they are ADORABLE. Do you want to see some pictures? No? You just want to run down the details of the tax plan and understand why I'm supporting it? That's weird, but OK!
SEE ALSO: A checklist of 75 things we are willing to predict Trump will do in the near futureIs it true that the Republican tax plan supports corporations (with a $1 trillion cut over the next decade) and the country's wealthiest individuals (by repealing the estate tax) far more than low and middle income families?
I mean, you know, that's a tough... that's hard to answer! Many people are saying that, certainly. It's a, you know, topic. It's a topic that needs to be discussed and addressed.
You know what else needs to be discussed and addressed, though? Just what we're gonna do with these eight pups we got at my house, ha ha! As I mentioned earlier, Queenie is my 6-year-old Dogue de Bordeaux -- a beautiful breed, absolutely beautiful. Now, Queenie had eight pups about 10 weeks ago with my neighbor's Dogue de Bordeaux -- practically the whole gated community has these things -- and, quite frankly, it has been 70 days of absolute bliss. All of the pups are healthy, according to vets (thank GOD), and we think we'll probably end up keeping two.
My best friend in the whole world is the owner of a cigarette factory who paid for my campaign.
Is it true that the Republican tax plan would take away the ability for teachers to deduct expenses related to their classroom such as pens, pencils and paper while leaving similar deductions available for businesses?
Huh? Uh, yeah no that's... yes that's true. But, you see, through the process of "trickling" that loss would actually be, um...
Uh oh, look at this guy!
Mister Bean, my sweet little boy! He loves to curl up in our California King bed, gifted to us by one of my donors who I would literally kill you for. Cutie! Credit: mashable composite; shutterstock How'd he get up here on my desk!? Somebody call the police -- this dog is so cute it should be illegal! Ha ha, only kidding of course, do not call the police.
I know, I know, you're frustrated by all of this puppy talk. You want some straight answers. Fine! I'll come clean: yes, I love dogs of ALL ages and notjust puppies! Guilty!
I did not know what the word compassion meant until I looked it up in 2016.
I did not know what the word compassion meant until I looked it up in 2016.
Is it true that the Republican tax plan would eliminate the ability for low to middle income individuals to deduct interest paid on their student loans?
Good God, you're obsessed with this tax stuff huh?? Trust me, I get it. I understand what you're going through. You see, I too have an obsession: doggie pee pads!
I'll tell you what, these dogs pee all OVER the dang place! We've got about a thousand square feet of pee pads laid out all over the house, and believe me when I say it is NOT enough, ha ha!
I watched American Psycho in theaters and it was the most relatable thing I have ever seen.
Is it true that the Republican tax plan will eliminate deductions on personal losses from natural disasters like wildfires and earthquakes?
Oh my God I can't BELIEVE it!
No, not the thing about earthquakes or whatever -- I can't believe this photo of me and Margot came out so well!
I'll tell you one expense I'd like to deduct: tennis balls for this little one! She goes through 'em like you wouldn't believe! I have never cried once in my life even as a baby. Credit: mashable composite; shutterstock I have met 10 non-millionaires in my entire life and every single one of them works in my office.
Is it true that the Republican tax plan puts charities at risk by reducing individuals' incentives to donate, and could lead to a roughly $13 billion loss in charitable giving?
I'll tell you what folks, I wish I could individually incentivize my sons to train these dogs while I'm at work! None of them listen!
Thank you for taking the time to ask your questions! I truly care about you!
Thanks for reading Mashable Humor: original comedy every day. Or most days. We're people, just like you, and we're trying our best.
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