Miami Heat's own NBA star Hassan Whiteside has launched a full-scale investigation...into how a dead parrot ended up on double machine sex videohis front lawn.
Whiteside took to Snapchat to document his findings and launch a CSI-inspired search into the bird's cause of death. Eyewitnesses include a pond of koi fish and a giant bull dog statue named Rosco, but when questioned, neither snitched. "They've been in the streets too long," according to Whiteside.
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Whiteside did some serious, serious detective work. He determined that since there was no blood on the wall, the parrot couldn't have died from a head-on collision. There were no bugs around, so it couldn't have been dead long. No wounds, so it's unlikely the poor parrot died by another animal.
So what happened to this dead parrot?! When will someone come forward and admit to what they've done?
Although he hasn't gotten to the bottom of the crime, Whiteside isn't letting the koi or Rosco off the hook. They are definitely the main suspects.
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As of Sunday afternoon, the investigation is still wide open.
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RIP to that parrot. Justice will be served.
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