There's truly nothing in the world like the Eurovision Song Contest. Where else can video of young bangkok school girls having sex with old manyou witness giant Finnish monsters shredding hard rock hits or an Austrian drag queen belting a song that fits right in with James Bond themes?
If these musical acts sound up your alley — and they should, because both went on to win Eurovision — you're in luck! The Grand Final of the world's biggest, wackiest, most wonderful musical competition airs this weekend. Hundreds of millions of people tune into the broadcast every year, so whether you're a lifelong Eurovision devotee, a new fan, or someone who's never heard of Eurovision before but is mildly curious, you'd better make sure you tune in too.
SEE ALSO: How to watch the Eurovision Song Contest from anywhere in the worldWhat's so great about the Eurovision Song Contest?
Eurovision legend Verka Serduchka performs for Ukraine in 2007 contest. Credit: Johannes Simon/Getty Images Eurovision is an opportunity for spectacle like no other. Glitter, pyrotechnics — you name it, Eurovision's got it. Craving a man in a hamster wheel? A human disco ball telling you to dance? A radioactive folk rave meant to appease a forest deity? You can have it all! And that's just a sampling of Ukrainian Eurovision contestants from the past few years. Factor in the many other participating countries, and you begin to understand just how dazzling Eurovision can be.
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On top of delivering the above acts, Ukraine also won Eurovision 2022 with Kalush Orchestra's "Stefania," a rapped ode to mothers featuring an absolutely sick solo played on a flutelike instrument called a telenka. Typically, the winning country hosts Eurovision the following year, but Ukraine is unable to do so due to the ongoing war with Russia. The United Kingdom is hosting on Ukraine's behalf instead.
SEE ALSO: Activists paint a giant Ukrainian flag outside the Russian Embassy in LondonWhile the European Broadcasting Union tries to make sure the contest remains "non-political," there is no escaping politics at Eurovision, especially not with Russia's invasion of Ukraine. (Russia has been barred from participating as a result.) Eurovision 2023's opening and interval acts at the semi-finals have already made explicit references to Ukraine, from a blue and yellow color scheme throughout to co-host Julia Sanina singing a Ukrainian song by her band, The Hardkiss. This year's Eurovision theme, "United By Music," is also a nod to the power of music in conflicted times — basically as political as a seemingly non-political show is willing to get. (There are also running jokes in Eurovision about how politics and neighboring countries impact the final scores.)
This theme speaks to yet another reason Eurovision is so wonderful. It's not just a competition: It's a celebration of musical talent from across the continent (and Australia, which has been participating since 2015). Aside from elaborate stagings, you'll hear a wide range of languages and instruments, as well as genres ranging from screamo to dance pop. If you want to expand your musical horizons, look no further than Eurovision.
What can you expect from Eurovision 2023?
Sweden's Loreen performs during the first semi-final of Eurovision 2023. Credit: Peter Kneffel/Picture Alliance via Getty Images When it comes to Eurovision, you should always expect the unexpected. However, thanks to betting odds and two semi-finals held earlier in the week, we not only know what each act will perform in the finale, we also have a vague idea of who might win.
Based on this year's odds, we're looking at a Nordic showdown between Sweden and Finland. In Sweden's corner, we have Loreen and her song "Tattoo," a pop number featuring the onstage equivalent of a hydraulic press and some truly long nails. Loreen won Eurovision in 2012 with her banger "Euphoria" — can she pull off a repeat?
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On Finland's side, we have Käärijä with his track "Cha Cha Cha," which combines everything from hyperpop to industrial metal to rap. His staging could not be more different from Loreen's; while she performs alone onstage in her hydraulic press, Käärijä breaks out of a box in a puffy-sleeved neon green top and boogies with pink-clad ballroom dancers. It's exactly the kind of weird fun Eurovision viewers love, but will it be enough to win over the juries?
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In addition to Loreen and Käärijä, Eurovision 2023 boasts an incredible lineup of performers. Some of our favorites include Croatia's Let 3, with their song "Mama ŠČ!" It's three minutes of avant-garde, glitter-covered, anti-war, military drag frenzy, where Let 3 call out dictators like Russia's Vladimir Putin for being a "crocodile psychopath." Between toeing the line of Eurovision's stance on politics in the show and the sheer insanity of the staging, we have no choice but to root for them.
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Moldova's "Soarele și Luna" by Pasha Parfeni also has the makings of a classic Eurovision bop. From antlered backup singers to a man in an owl mask rocking out on the flute, this song will get stuck in your head even if you don't speak Romanian. And that flautist carries on an essential Moldovan Eurovision tradition of giving us iconic instrumental solos — we can thank their 2010 entry "Run Away" for giving us the Epic Sax Guy.
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These are just four of the 37 songs in contention to win Eurovision, although several have already been eliminated in the semi-finals. (Justice for Malta and their sweaters!) Check out the rest here for more Eurovision goodness. Might I recommend Austria's poppy ode to Edgar Allan Poe? Or how about Germany's very bloody, very glitter-y, very aptly named "Blood & Glitter"? You're in the Eurovision rabbit hole now — there's no turning back!
The Grand Final of the 2023 Eurovision Song Contest is streaming live on Peacock May 13 at 3 p.m. ET.
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