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Life in the Dreamhouse isn't all rainbows and ????? ???? ?????? ??????butterflies.

It seems like the latest celeb to have their dark secrets doxxed by the internet is none other than Barbara Millicent Roberts — that's Barbie, to you. While this icon's life might be plastic, her background is not quite so fantastic.

The viral hashtag #BarbiesDarkSecrets has all kinds of Twitter users imagining what Barbie might behiding behind her wholesome image of perfect femininity. Instead of kindergarten teacher or doctor, her careers might actually include axe murderer, demon, and tax evader. Who knew?

There's a lot to unpack (or unbox) here. The internet just loves taking something usually meant for, ya know, the enjoyment of children, and making it adult-oriented. Whether it's crass stop-motion YouTube series, photoshoots, or threads like these, everyone's obsessed with giving good-girl Barbie a bit of an edge. Maybe it's a cultural critique, maybe it's just generic edginess.

Either way, here are a collection of Barbie's hidden secrets, exposed. Be warned that this is a highly curated list — the initial hashtag has a lot of NSFW content that's not so sweet.

Some secrets sound like they'd belong on a TMZ exposé:

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While others paint a more sinister picture of our beloved Barbie.

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Others are — actually pretty wholesome?

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But may I, the certified doll expert here, stop this madness for a second and state for a fact, that Barbie is actually pretty chill. She's a vlogger! She's a robotics engineer! She loves puppies, and is not an axe murder! Case closed.